When a parent dies, a lot lands on you at once: grief, phone calls and practical tasks you have never done before. Most of it does not have to happen today. This checklist sorts the tasks by when they matter, so you can take one thing at a time.
Rules, forms and deadlines differ from country to country. Use this as a map of what usually needs doing, and check your government's official guidance on what to do after a death for the exact steps where your parent lived.
The first day or two
These are the things that cannot wait. Everything else can.
- Make sure the death is confirmed by a doctor. If your parent died in hospital or a care home, the staff will do this. If they died at home and it was expected, call their doctor. If it was unexpected, call your local emergency number.
- Tell the closest family. You do not have to call everyone yourself; ask one or two people to help spread the news.
- Contact a funeral director, or the person who will arrange the funeral. They can collect your parent and explain the next steps where you live.
- Look for any written wishes: a will, funeral wishes, or a note about burial or cremation. Ask whoever may know where the papers are kept.
- If your parent lived alone, make sure the home is locked, the heating is on low, and nothing is left on. Take any pets to someone who can care for them.
- Find out how the death must be registered and by when. In many countries the doctor, hospital or funeral director starts this, but not everywhere.
The first week or two
Now the practical work begins. Keep a notebook or a shared note of who you have called, when, and what they said. You will be asked the same questions many times.
- Get the death certificate, and ask how many copies you will need. Banks, insurers and pension providers often want to see one.
- Plan the funeral with the funeral director. Follow your parent's wishes where you know them.
- Find the will, if there is one, and who is named to deal with the estate. If you are unsure what to do, a lawyer or the authority that handles estates where your parent lived can explain the process.
- Tell your parent's bank. Accounts in their name alone are usually frozen until the estate is settled. Ask how the funeral bill can be paid.
- Tell the pension provider and any agency paying benefits, so payments stop or move correctly.
- Tell the insurers: home, contents, car, life insurance and any funeral plan. Keep the home insured while it stands empty.
- If there is a surviving parent, check that they have money for daily life. A joint account may still work, but check with the bank.
- Redirect or collect the post, so that letters and bills are not missed.
The first months
Settling an estate takes time, often many months. That is normal. Work through these steps at a pace you can manage.
- Make a list of what your parent owned and owed: accounts, pensions, property, car, loans, credit cards.
- Go through the regular payments: electricity, heating, water, phone, internet, subscriptions, memberships, newspapers. Cancel or move each one.
- Decide what happens to the home: who will live there, whether it will be sold or the lease ended. A rented home usually has a notice period.
- Deal with the car: insurance, registration and whether to keep or sell it.
- Close or memorialise email, social media and other online accounts. Many services have a form for next of kin.
- Cancel the passport and driving licence if your country requires it.
- Ask about the final tax return. Rules on income tax and inheritance differ widely; check your tax authority or ask a professional.
- Sort belongings slowly. There is no rule that it must happen quickly, unless a lease or a sale sets a date.
The hard part: finding things
Many families say the worst of it was not the paperwork but the searching. Which bank? Which pension? Where is the key to the shed? What was the password for the phone with all the photos? Who is the plumber who knows the house?
If your parent kept things in their head, you may spend weeks piecing it together from bank statements and old post. Be patient with yourself. Go through a few months of statements to find regular payments, and check the post for letters from companies you did not know about.
In Handover: the topic If something happens holds Who to tell first, Who takes over what and The first days. Money and bills lists the bank, pension and the bills paid automatically, so nobody has to search through statements.
If one parent is still alive
When one parent dies, the other is often left with tasks the partner always handled. Maybe Dad paid the bills and Mum never logged in to the bank. Maybe Mum knew where the water was turned off.
In the months that follow, help them write down how the home runs now: which bills go out, who to call, where the papers are. It also makes it easier for you if you one day need to step in. Our guide to wills and powers of attorney explains the papers that let someone help when a parent can no longer manage alone.
Look after yourself too
Grief makes simple things hard. Forms take longer, and you may forget calls you made yesterday. That is not a failure. Share tasks between siblings or friends, write them down, and say yes when someone offers to help. Many places have bereavement support groups and helplines; your doctor can point you to one.
For your own family
Going through this often makes people think about their own household. Afterwards, many sit down and write the essentials for their own partner and children: the bank, the insurances, where the will is, the funeral wishes, who to call. It is a kind thing to leave behind.
In Handover: Important papers records where the will and pension papers are kept, and Wishes and decisions holds The funeral and Wishes for afterwards, so your family does not have to guess.